Relationship Problems: Yours, Mine, Ours?
Greetings. Welcome to my post. Let us talk about this word ownership. For when it comes to relationships and taking ownership of our lives, learning how to take ownership of our problems is crucial to solving relationship problems.
As you know and experience, when you are with someone who does have problems and their problems do hurt you, your natural tendency is to try to fix the person and fix the problem. You feel it is your duty to solve these problems and so you try to fix someone in your life who has a relationship or personal problem.
Therefore by choice, you feel your life is not your own and your emotions are the property or ownership of whatever crisis the person close to you is having. If they are angry, then their anger and emotions are your responsibility. Whatever the problem or emotions then becomes like an emotional jacket to you. You take on the emotions of others and then wear their jacket as a strategy to fix or solve their anger. Or if they manipulate you, you take on their manipulating jacket and you wear it as a strategy to fix them.
As a result, your life is not your own. Your life gets defined by how others are doing. If they are happy, than you are happy but if they are not happy, than you wear their unhappy jacket as they make you wear it or you choose wear it as a strategy to solve relationship problems. You see, all your life you have felt blamed by others for what they feel and do. The people closest to you have made you feel that you are responsible for them and you took on that responsibility of taking ownership of their emotions and their problems. Your life is not important and your self-worth is also not important as others emotions belong to you and you are supposed to or required to be responsible for them.
If they have a crisis, you are responsible for them and you are not allowed to take ownership of your life. So, how is that going? Is this working for you? Can you see how taking ownership and property of others feelings and crisis only leads to you not being happy and feeling overly responsible for others happiness? When are you going to be ready to choose to be responsible for yourself?