Codependency: How to say No (Part 4 of 4)
Greetings. Thanks for reading these 4 posts regarding the importance of learning how to say no. I want to encourage you, especially if you are a pleasing, compliant and fearful person to really start to think of ways to build conversations in your life of learning how to say no. Remember saying no is both a strategy to protect that which is good and saying no can be a healthy conversation between two people in which saying both yes and no to each other is built as a value in the relationship.
Today, I want to go one step further in viewing this little word called no. As a recovery codependent, my hope and prayer for all of those who are reading this, is to find your voice and view saying no as a sign of success. I don’t know about you, but I do like to pursue success in my life both personally and professionally. And I have discovered that when I can say no, I do build success and victory in my life versus feeling defeated and feeling depressed all the time. Many signs of depression are pointing to a lack of boundaries and an inability to say no in trying to please everyone from a place of fear.
So, do you want to be happy, successful, feeling less defeated and discouraged? Then find ways to say no. You see, saying yes is easy. A knock on the door asking if you have a minute, you can say yes. A phone call rings asking for you to answer it, you can say yes. Someone requests a few minutes of you to go to a meeting or discuss something, you can say yes. Saying yes to another scoop of ice cream, to another drink, to go to happy hour, or to another obligation in your life is easy. Saying yes to these examples may not take courage.
But to say no means finding the courage by viewing saying no as a victory, which can lead to many levels of success and power in your life. When you cannot say no, you do feel powerless and timid. But when you can say no, you do feel some power and success in your life as you protect yourself.
You can learn how to say no, by viewing saying this word as importance and as a priority for your life. When you do not say no, you are fulfilling everyone else’s agenda. To say no may mean learning to always answer this question: “If I say yes, will it bring me joy or will it bring me resentment? When you say yes, then you are giving people permission to steal your joy and time by allowing them to enter into your life and take something from you. But when you say no, you are not allowing someone to take but instead you are communicating to them that saying no is a statement about protecting yourself.
Answer this question: Look over this last week and your calendar and ask yourself: “What should I have said ‘no’ to, what took my time, attention, focus and energy? What should I have said no to and what plans and commitments could I have said no to? In many ways, try to adopt to this new slogan: Just Don’t Do It!
So go for it. Practice taking some baby steps first and find yourself saying no to the people in your life that you trust who will hear your no. As you start to take some baby steps, you will find new victory and accomplishment in your life. Protecting yourself and not allowing people to steal your time and your life, will serve you well. If you need help with this, please give me a call as I love to help codependent people learn about boundaries for their life in learning when to say yes and how to say no. Don’t wait another day, take control of your life and stop waiting for the other person to change first before you feel you can set boundaries. Thanks for reading.