Relationships: Right versus Love (Part 3 of 4).
In this current blog series, I want you to consider this question: Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a love relationship? When you think of your most important personal relationships, is it your intention to pursue what is right or do you want to pursue what brings you love and closeness?
In my last two blog posts, I talked about the intention and goal of someone who wants to be right. In these next two posts, I want to talk about those of you who want and it is your intention to be in a love relationship. A healthy relationship is one in which one person just wants a relationship and just wants to be loved.
You see, those who want to be right are very competitive people. Those who want to be in a love relationship view these personal and close relationships as a place to not be competitive. Those who want to be right are out to prove that Michael Jorden is the best basketball player of all time and are fine with arguing and doing point-counter point regarding why they think Jordan is the best versus Kobe. But those who want a love relationship are tired of arguing and fighting and they are tired of always having tug of wars with their partner.
When you play tennis, there are two people on each side of the net and two people are hitting the ball back and forth. Those who want a right relationship are wanting to win, to prove they are right and you are wrong, and within their abilities they are hoping to win by trying to outhit you.
But those who are pursuing a love relationship whether they are married, have a significant other in their life, have a best friend, desire a close relationship with their sibling, want to come over to the side of the net with the person who wants to be right and say: Hey, can we be a team? Can’t we both be on this side of the net and lets work together and partner together for the sake of the relationship? Can’t we both be on the same side and win and love together?
Seeking a love relationship is about giving up your need to be right, being tired of all the arguing, fighting, debating, and just wanting to be close and work with the other person. They are looking for teamwork, not competition. They don’t want someone to come behind them and observe their choices and judge how they do things. Instead if you are slicing an onion for a casserole or washing a care a particular way, they want you to come along and grab a utensil and cut or do something with them in the kitchen or grab a bucket and rag and join them in washing the car.
Healthy relationships are built on the intention that when they are together, when they are talking, when they are working together on a project, when they feel like each person is on their side, then both people are participating in the same thing. The ‘we’ or the two people become more important than the ‘me’, or just that one person’s need to be right.
Let’s face it: we all need love. We all need someone to love us just as we are with our strengths and weakness, better or worse, the ways we do one thing different and odd that is opposite of how you would do it; all of this are examples everyday of wanting to pursue being in a love relationship.
People are tired of being judged, tired of being corrected, tired of going to work or having all these demands placed on them of what they are expected and not expected to do. All of these expectations are exhausting. So throughout the day and into the evening, all people just want to be with is someone who just wants to get along, have and pursue a healthy relationship, and want to not feel they are putting on their competitive hat or their boxing gloves every time they feel they are in an encounter with you. People who want to be right compete; people who want to be loved relate.
So if your hope is to pursue a healthy relationship in which you are having as your intention a desire to love and have a close relationship, then you are willing to put down the knife and stop cutting the onion and say to your partner: Honey, why do we need to fight over the cutting up of these onions? So when you are washing the car and someone comes up behind you and criticizes you for how you do this, why don’t you put down the rag and lock eyes with that person and say, Honey, instead of observing what I have done wrong, why don’t you join me and let’ do it together?
My hope and prayer is you will seek and find those ways in which you can work with someone on building a love relationship rather than a right relationship. Give up being right in your most important relationships because the benefits of this love relationship far outgain the competition of who wins and who loses. Thanks for reading.