Relationships: Correct vs. Accept (Part 2 of 4)
So in this four part series, the focus is on answering this question: Do you want to correct people or do you want to pursue accepting one another? Let me begin in the first two parts focusing on this unhealthy decision of pursuing correcting one another. In my last post, I talked about and defined the unhealthy pattern of correction. In this post, let me go a little bit deeper.
I want to do this by pointing out an example. I heard of a couple that was playing cards with another couple. Each hand could last a long time as one could not lay down their cards until one attains a certain number in their hand. Each hand, as the game goes on, gets tougher as one has to keep on drawing from the pile until they are able to accommodate enough points and then whey they match or exceed that number, they can lay down.
So the wife of this husband laid down her cards. After she laid down her cards, she can build on her pile of cards laid down as well as build on the pile her husband maybe has already laid down. So as this hand went on, the wife placed some cards down and after doing this, the husband observed her play and went into a tirade. Why did you do that? That was wrong and you make a mistake! You should have done this or that and your thinking and playing was wrong.
The wife reacted, and defended her play and also recognized his point and apologized for her mistake. The husband did not let it go and continued to go into a angry rage over the mistake she had made and pointed out in his words how she made a mistake and how she should have done it this or that way in the form of wanting to correct her.
As you can tell, the wife was embarrassed and got quiet. The husband pouted and sulked and would stare at her with a mean look trying to intimidate her or even giving off the impression she needs to be punished. It is one thing to point out an error; it is another thing to look at a mistake as an opportunity to use this mistake to punish the other person. If the goal of correction is to scold, punish or rebuke for the sake of trying to undue a mistake or teach that person a lesson, than that will only lead to unhealthy relationship.
Now, as that hand went on, a few minutes later, this couple not only won that hand but they eventually won the game. The husband was so intent on wanting to correct due to his fear of losing the hand that he felt the need to correct his wife with the goal that if he was able to do this, they would win. But despite his punishing correcting tirade, they still did win. Even if he had said nothing, they still would have won the hand and won the game.
Those people who are out to correct you are people who hate to fail. Failure is not part of their vocabulary and look for ways to overcome their mistakes and failures by trying and trying to never make a mistake. If they make a mistake, they are very hard on themselves with words and hash accusations that they tell themselves. They can be mean on themselves.
But even worse, their anger towards themselves cannot compare to the damage of their correcting angry tirade in how they treat you. A correcting person breeds fear, anxiety, insecurity, and cautiousness. Those who are in a relationship with someone who is out to correct you knows firsthand what it is like to be married or relating to someone who cannot tolerate mistakes but instead demands perfection or demands you never make a mistake again.
If your intention and goal is to look for problems or mistakes and try to correct them, you will never be satisfied or happy. To relate to people means you are relating to mistakes. In other words, why would you even try to be in a relationship with someone if your goal is not to accept them but to correct them? At the core of who we are is we all need love and acceptance. If you are out to correct and not accept people, than that intention will create unhealthy and unhappy people. Thanks for reading.