Healthy vs. Unhealthy Intentions (Part 4 of 4)
Greetings and welcome to my post. Last month I invited you to think and consider what do you want when it comes to building a healthy relationship? My hope for you is that you will value and want to participate in building healthy relationships. As you do this, you will find the benefits of a healthy relationship which is growth and fruit. Remember, all healthy relationships are growing and producing fruit such as intimacy, closeness, love, kindness, forgiveness, and so forth.
But another important feature to consider when looking at the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships is the topic of intention. Intention is very important for all of our relationships because intention helps us and helps the people we are in a relationship with to know where we are coming from.
The meaning of this word as it applies to relationships is very important because often one person may not fully understand or find meaning in what the other person in saying or doing. If you know and understand where the other person is coming from and what is their aim or goal, then you might be more understanding of how or what this person’s intentions are.
Probably the best way to describe what the difference between healthy and unhealthy intention is to answer this question: In your most important and personal relationships, is the other person wanting to preserve the relationship or is the person wanting to preserve themselves?
Unhealthy intentions are people who tend to focus on preserving themselves. In other words, they want to make sure that they are recognized, are heard, are seeking attention in order to get some validation or wanting someone to notice them. People with unhealthy intentions are people who are generally insecure and they are hoping that when they are relating to someone, the other person will validate them and make them feel secure. In general, they are more focused on themselves.
But the opposite can be said for the people who are seeking healthy intentions. A very important statement that I try to live by and teach others to follow is this: the we is more important than the me. Healthy intentions are focused on the relationships and how both people are affected in how they talk and treat one another. People with unhealthy intentions are focused more on the me or how they individually are affected.
When the focus is on the we or the two people in the relationships, then the focus is on preserving and valuing the relationship and on loving and respecting one another. When a problem or conflict comes up, the we or two people are focused on how we are going to solve it. Unhealthy intentions are focused on how I can make sure I get my point across for the sake of making sure in my arguing, you hear my way.
So with the question: Do you want to be correct or do you want to forgive; a healthy intention is focus on the relationship by forgiving one another versus the unhealthy intention is focused on just one person trying to get their point across of wanting to correct the other person or prove they are right. If you goal is to win and prove your point, than this will be a unhealthy intention and probably will result in a unhealthy relationship.
That is why this topic is so important when it comes to how we approach problems and to really understand the intention and goal of where the other person is coming from. Began to focus on your most important relationships to take the relationship for a test drive and observe the other person or observe yourself when a conflict comes up and how both of you are attempting to resolve it.
Think we and not me. Focus on not letting any conflict or problem get in the way or to hurt or destroy the relationship. Being in healthy relationships with two people working side by side and hand in hand on solving relationship problems together is a much healthy approach and you will start to see your life and your relationships grow with the rewarding benefits of love, intimacy, trust, closeness, and confidence that whatever problem arises, you know the two of you can handle it and work together to solve it together. Thanks for reading.